Sea of Humanity

The Robber Rabbit

Once again that magical hippety hoppety time of year is upon us. I remember listening for the rabbit late at night in my bed with the sheet pressed up against the bottom of my nose. When would the bunny come? Would I be able to see him? Would he be as elusive as that jolly fat man in the red and white suit? Man, I was scared. How the hell did he get in the house anyway? Wouldn't this just incite my father to chase him around the house with a baseball bat, ready to whack the intruder into a bloody coma?

We didn't know this rabbit. I mean, how could you even be sure the Easter Bunny has good intentions? No one ever sees him. How do you know what he does in your house while you are fast asleep? He might be stealing all sorts of shit while you're dreaming of chocolate eggs and peeps. What a scam! You get a basket of chocolate candies, and in return the rabbit takes off with your television, your video games, and your stereo. Of course you don't notice this stuff is missing for weeks because you spent all of your free time searching around for colored Easter eggs the little bunny bastard left hidden around the house. So now, not only does the Cotton Tail Crook get the better deal trading up chocolate candies for electronics, but Peter Rabbit even has you running frantically around in your pajamas on the front lawn looking for colored Easter eggs that may not even be there.

Oh that rabbit has got the sweet life figured out and he has your number. And if the Easter Bunny has a name, I'm sure it is Rob. Yeah, good ole Robby Rabbit, your warm fuzzy soft friend who is just waiting to put the screws on you. Can you really afford to let him into your house this year? Last time I checked, most people keep rabbits in cages.

So yeah, I remember going to bed early so the Easter Bunny would come....I was a scared naive little boy. Now that I am older, I don't believe in a magical hippety hoppety rabbits that just leaves you gifts and you better quit believing too, or that fool ugly bunny won't ever get caught.

Maybe we should enlist the services of THE BUNNY BATTERER!