November 30, 2003
Fuck Rolling Stone
Rolling Stone and their top 500 albums...please. 500? Really why stop there? Why not 1,000 or 15,000? Why not just keeping going so all the anal consumers out there will spend all their time marking off there checklists until they have amassed the whole amount of crap. I mean that is what they are trying to get you to do right? And how do you possible even categorize or assess what album makes it onto such a list? They might as well of just did a top 40 500 selling album lists of all time. I mean this stuff is all righteously over played payola crapola. Who really wants to listen to Stairway To Heaven for the 100th million time?
What do you have to do to make it into the top ten? Apparently you have to be dead. Most of the Beatles are dead at this point (I think Ringo is the only one with an actual pulse), Bob Dylan is a mumbling drooling incoherent slob of a corpse, Brian Wilson plays ghostly air keyboard at sold out concerts, and Marvin Gaye, dead last time I fucking checked. It should just be the top 500 Tombstones of Rock N Roll.
Fuck, all of the musicians in the top 100 are dead or the last creative moment they have had in the past forty years has been the turd they pushed into the toilet, plastic wrapped, and then threw a parental advisory sticker and price tag on for the end product procuring drones to purchases.
Not only is the list touted as the greatest rock library anyone could amass, the issue itself is a "Collector's issue" Seriously, who the hell is collecting Rolling Stone Magazines and zipping them up in plastic bags to maintain their mint ass condition? Who? Show me one person! You got a copy bagged up? Smack yourself in the face a few times with it and wake up you fucking turd moron.
Quite frankly, making such a list is an affront to the art of music. Piss off I say. Take your commercial laden list and cram it up your glossy Rolling Stone ass. I mean, who fucking reads that rag anymore anyway? There is no ROCK in the Rolling Stone, only pithy, shallow press releases and penis pump ads. They have nothing important to say about music and their reviews read like commercials for craft automatic adjustable beds.
Rolling Stone is obsolete, prepackage, presoftened, lard ointment for your hemorrhoids. I've used a couple of months of the stuff and my ass is still itching. Not only is Rolling Stone pandering to the older artists that created the rag in the first place, but in doing so that have alienated all of new artists in the last ten years! But fuck them anyway because they are all just a bunch of white suburban kids with no real perspective on the world wanking guitar chords stolen from all of the albums Rolling Stone listed while dreaming of record deals, money and bitches they can subjugate. I'm sure you'll read all about them in your upcoming issues. Fuck Rolling Stone, I'd rather jerk off while reading Popular Mechanics.
And another Sad Day For Radio Listeners.