Gift Ideas
Tired of the same old hub bub Bub? Well we got some suggestions for avoiding the mall and making the most smashing gifts for all of your loved ones. Please note, we can not be responsible for any arrests or altercations that ensue from the use of these gift suggestions.
1.) The Holiday Nude
Nothing embodies the shock and horror of the holiday season more than this gift. Simply, get naked and take some black and whites. Best results are achieved if you take the pictured with your pet or photoshop your grandparents into the image. Don't forget the frame for easy mounting.
2.) The Bag of Stuff
Clean your apartment and then wrap your miscellaneous junk up in newspaper. Ship accordingly.
3) The Death Letter
Write a letter to all your loved ones and friends declaring Xmas is dead. Explain that instead of presents you will be spending all of your money on discovering a cause of death for the merry fat man and his elves. This will include the purchase of x-ray night vision goggles, a paint ball gun, and at least three cases of beer. Make sure to thank them for their continued support.
4)Celery Dollhouse Furniture
This one is for the kids. Make some cute dollhouse furniture with celery and peanut butter. Make sure to include celery people.
5)The Gift of Not Being There
Disconnect your phone and leave your apartment in shambles making sure to leave a few bloodstains on your carpet. Under no circumstances or news coverage should you contact anyone you know. Live in the streets sustaining yourself with from dumpsters and trashcans. When you return in two or three months, relatives will be so elated that you were found alive Xmas gifts won't even be mentioned. If anyone asks you what happened, blame the monkey.
Posted by Monkeyspit at December 8, 2003 10:12 AM
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