Sea of Humanity

State of the Sea

Thank you. Mr. Pernicious, my fellow swimmers, and to little Gilda Radley who wrote to me this summer about her first case of swimmers cramp. Welcome. I come to you this morning to let you know that our Sea is calm.

A few months ago, when I last spoke, we had spotted a few fins circling around a few corpses. Well, those sharks have been fed, and I am here to tell you we are in safe waters! Though the danger is calm now, these sharks will always come back.

So I have created an elderly elimination plan which will provide us with the safety we need to continue our charted course to everywhere, nowhere, just here. Under this program we will take the oldest of old and feed them first to these finned fiends. While they chomp and gnash at nothing but meatless bones we will all doggy paddle quietly for a hundred yards and to safety. This will satisfy the sharks. Also, this will satisfy our elders. We can not let our elderly go unappreciated and this plan will give them a purpose to live!

Hey! Hey! Teddy K! Quit shaking your head, your first on the list to be tossed out as prey! Now that I have Ted's attention, there is more to be done in our Sea.

As I floated on my back for a few days, I was sent a clear message from the heavens that all is not right. Our Sea is getting lower. Some of you have been peeing in the water. Some believe this urination is dirty and a pollutant of both the body and our environment. But, it appears if we all urinate in our Sea the level will rise! No longer will we impede pee progress. So, my last program is a urination initiative. For each pee in the Sea, I will give extra floaties. For the person who pees the most, they shall be given a special chance to read a new Pee Pledge which we will recite every morning before our Minnows begin swimming lessons.

Now, as we tread water it is important that we do not dissolve. We must remain strong swimmers and we must rage against the currents that push us here or there on our journey to everywhere, nowhere, just here. Have a God night. Thank you and please don't forget to mess our Sea.

Posted by Monkeyspit at January 21, 2004 8:46 AM | TrackBack