Johnny Law

I was cruising in my girlfriend's 1999 Purple Dodge Neon, a sweet pimp ride if there ever was one. To no surprise, I blew by a pig party waiting to pounce on a playa like myself. It kills me, because I know where Johnny Law hangs out. I thought about Johnny Law hanging out and even smiled a bit to myself with pride about avoiding their clutches. I pumped the gas pedal and roared the Neon toward my destination.

Turns out my destination, was police nation. Two officer on bikes hidden behind to very thin trees busted me for going 40mph in a 30mph. This kills me. 40mph isn’t even fast for the road I was traveling and of course everyone else was traveling at the same speed. My Neon made me stick out of the crowd, and I became the example. Damn the Neon….not even the Sports edition, yet so sexy and fast.

I was busted. I admitted it to the cops. “You caught me.” They wanted to know about my seat belt. Had I tried to sneak it one before pulling over? Did I click it or did I want a ticket. “Sir,” I explained, “I always wear my seatbelt when driving, especially when I know I will be driving 40mph in a 30mph zone. It’s just common sense.” The copper wanted to know if I had a reason to lie to him. “No,” I replied. I was belted in since I left the house. I like a snug fit.

They asked for papers. I handed them registration and an outdated insurance binder. Didn’t I know I needed and updated insurance certificate in the car? This was news to me, I shrugged and blamed it on the dame. They took the bait. I landed with a court date and the suggestion to play “Good Boy” for four months to keep my record clean. Didn’t they know, “Bad Boy” was the only game you can play in a Dodge Neon. It was going to be a tough four months. Before leaving me, they took my license away. They liked the picture and wanted to show their kids.

I had the last laugh. I looked at the ticket. They had made mistakes. The Neon isn't blue. It's purple. Color blind coppers. What a bunch of chuckle heads.

Posted by Monkeyspit at August 16, 2004 9:01 AM

Comments

Just discovered you today. When I read the hilarious line "...Purple Dodge Neon, a sweet pimp ride if there ever was one..." I just had to blogroll your happy ass.

Ok, that sounded so wrong.

"...So sexy and fast...." Hahaha! Classic.

Posted by: Art at August 17, 2004 6:50 PM

Nothing comes out right driving the Neon. I feel a piece of my masculinity eek away everytime I get behind the wheel. Sitting in traffic one day with the windows rolled down, a fellow Neon Navigator rolled up beside my ride and hollered..."Don't you just hate this car." Ain't that the truth.

Posted by: Monkeyspit at August 17, 2004 7:21 PM

I've had a long run of cars I've hated - all of them, until finally I got the '72 Cadillac, but thing keep breaking on it and it's the pimpest ride ever (yes, more than your Neon), but it seems like it costs $1000 to change a tire.

I feel like I've spent a lifetime dating ugly women and then when I finally date a beautiful one, she's an evil bitch and she's taking all of my money.

She beats me, but I still love her...

Posted by: lunchmoney at August 19, 2004 11:26 AM

I drive a gold mercedes that's almost as old as I am. Now *that* is a pimp ride, G funk.

Posted by: at August 30, 2004 3:29 PM

you were speeding. you were endangering people. whatever the fuck other people do doesn't change that fact.

pimp rides are for losers. i ride a bike and get more pussy than you can dream of. faggot

Posted by: mx at September 19, 2004 12:35 AM

I also have a purple Dodge Neon but it doesn't look like the one in your photo. Can you tell me where you got your phat mods?

Posted by: Todd at October 21, 2004 9:04 AM

I thought I was the only person with a purple neon, I am always afaid I'm going to get pulled over for something stupid that everyone else with a normal car is doing...I've been lucky thus far.

Posted by: raven at December 22, 2004 3:38 PM
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